Jack Thompson = Monumental Douchebag

Posted by Joshua S. Hill

April 26, 2008

There are many things in my life that I dislike and hate. I am not the most peaceable of fellows around, and I do not care in the slightest. However, close to the top of my list – and thus, of a hatred and dislike that surmounts the everyday dislikes such as peas, hot weather and dust – is Mr. Jack Thompson.

For those of you who don’t know, Jack Thompson is an attorney and activist, based in Coral Gables, Florida. He is known as a Christian Conservative, which in and of itself doesn’t bode well, but his Wikipedia article goes on to note that he “…is known for his public advocacy of conservative Christian moral standards.”

Yeah, I cringe at that too!

Now let’s get something clear right off the bat; I am a Christian, but I am a Christian liberal (or is it liberal Christian?). I believe that Jesus saved us, God made us, and all of that stuff. I also believe (this is where things get iffy for people) that God used the Big Bang to create the universe, evolution to create life. I don’t believe the church should have any say in government.

So when Jack Thompson was reported to have sent the following letter to Mrs. Zelnick, mother of Strauss Zelnick, Take-Two’s chairman, and thus, the evangelist and man behind the GTA video games, I was less than impressed with his use of the bible to “support his stance.”

“Mrs. Zelnick
Strauss Zelnick, Take-Two Chairman’s Mother
New York, New York Via e-mails to intermediaries
Re: Your Son, Strauss Zelnick
Dear Mrs. Zelnick:
Your son, as you may know (or maybe you don’t know), is Chairman of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc., whose most popular video games are the Grand Theft Auto murder simulator games banned in some countries but sold to children here.
Your son last week was reported to have said the following about Grand Theft Auto IV, due to be released Tuesday, April 29:
“We’ve already received numerous [GTA IV] reviews, and to a one, they are perfect scores. My mom couldn’t write better reviews…”
Taking your son’s thought, I would encourage you either to play this game or have an adroit video gamer play it for you. Some of the latter gamers are on death row, so try to find one out in the civilian population who hasn’t killed someone yet.
What you will see in your son’s game, if this iteration of GTA is anything like its predecessors, is incredible interactive violence aimed at police officers (whom you can shoot in the head and see the blood spray), innocent bystanders (whom you can run over with your car just for the heck of it), and of course the plentiful female prostitutes you can have sex with and then filet with a knife or stomp with your feet in order to get your money back. Experts note that the recent plethora of cop killings is caused in part by your darling son’s entrepreneurial energy. There are three policemen dead in Alabama because of Grand Theft Auto. I was on 60 Minutes about it. I hope Strauss has provided you with a flat screen tv to see the grief of the bereaved families that fills the screen.
The pornography and violence that your son trafficks in is the kind of stuff that most mothers would be ashamed to see their son putting into the hands of other mothers’ children, but, hey, your son Strauss has recently assured the world that he is “a Boy Scout, everybody knows that.” I’d love to see the merit badges that Scout Troop handed out. Is there a Ted Bundy merit badge? If so, your loving son deserves one now. It should be red and green, for obvious reasons.
With Passover having just come and gone, it is appropriate to note the following from the Old Testament, Proverbs 22:6:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Mrs. Zelnick, did you train up your son, Strauss, to make millions of dollars by pushing Mature-rated video games to children? Any kid can go right to little Strauss’ corporate web site and buy GTA IV with no age verification. Strauss is even marketing the new Grand Theft Auto IV on World Wrestling Entertainment tv shows seen by millions of kids. If you trained up Strauss to do this, then shame on you.
But maybe the explanation for your son’s corporate sociopathy is to be found in Old Testament Proverb 29:15:
“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”
Maybe you, Mrs. Zelnick, were so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child. That would explain why he has brought you, by the way he presently acts, “to shame.”
There’s another mother you would do well to talk to. Mrs. Crump in Alabama had a son who was a police officer. He’s now dead because a teenaged boy unwittingly trained himself to kill him on Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. She has a grief she carries every day that only a mother can know.There are other such mothers in the heartland of America whose inhabitants your son simply sees as commercial targets.
Your son, this very moment, is doing everything he possibly can to sell as many copies of GTA IV to teen boys in the United States, a country in which your son claims you raised him to be “a Boy Scout.” More like the Hitler Youth, I would say.
Happy Mother’s day, Mrs. Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers’ boys. I’m sure you’re very proud.
Sincerely, Jack Thompson”

There are numerous points in that letter that make me cringe, but it is the bible references that set me on edge more than anything. According to the Wired story where this broke, Thompson wrote back to story author Earnest Cavalli, essentially equating himself to John the Baptist.

However, from the 15 minutes I spent with my bible open in front of me, I cannot link the passages that Thompson quotes to John the Baptist in any way. In the Wired article, they note that Thompson “…pointed out … a number of Biblical references dealing with John the Baptist’s issues with Herod in the New Testament…”

Uh, not sure if you know this Mr. Thompson, but John’s issues with Herod were to do with Herodias, his brother’s wife, and not with … well, whatever it was Thompson was getting at.

Now, stepping away from his delusions of grandeur, Jack Thompson has surely won the world’s award for “Guilt Trip of the Year!” He starts off with a genius line; “Your son, as you may know (or maybe you don’t know), is Chairman of Take-Two Interactive Software.” I think that is just genius, and as Steve H in the comments suggests, surely “Thompson is just a brilliant satirist.”

It gets better, when Thompson asks Mrs. Straus whether she trained up Straus to “make millions of dollars by pushing Mature-rated video games to children”.

It also seems that Mr. Thompson has a bit of a man-crush on Straus, if this next comment has anything to say about it. He asks Mrs. Zelnick whether she was “…so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child.”

It also amuses me that via Wired, Thompson said “I sent it to Strauss Zelnick’s attorney. I would never send it to his mother.” I love this; as if Thompson believes that by addressing the letter to Mrs. Zelnick, but sending it to her lawyer, it negates the cruelty and cheap-shot-edness of this.

I won’t say more than that, and leave it in your hands to judge for yourself whether Mr. Jack Thompson get’s 2008’s Douchebag of the Year award, or not. In my mind, he should simply be taken out of the gene pool, and anyone who supports his naïve and absurd claims.

The simple fact of the matter is that Thompson, for using biblical text as a way to validate his opinion, only makes him look cheap and insensitive. I do not appreciate the bible that I love being used in this way, as it is nasty, and downright moronic. Mr. Thompson, it is you who should be ashamed, for if you think the rest of the bible condones your attitude and use of its text, then you have some serious rethinking ahead of you!

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